Less of Me...

My biggest enemy is myself. 

The most daunting battles are the ones where it is my flesh pitted against my spirit. 

Right now, I want to climb down off the altar, run away from the sacrifice, and demand an answer to all my "why's?" 

You parted the Red Sea for the children of Israel, You raised to life the dead son of the widow woman, and You fed 5,000 people with mere loaves & fishes. You are able. You came through for them... What about me? What about others who I know are hurting and confused? 

So I agonize and I weep and I don't feel like the strong warrior woman that so many think that I am... 

But-- there is that still, small Voice. The One who invites me to wrestle with Your Goodness, the Voice that whispers when I want signs & wonders from heaven, the Voice that woos me to trust in the very character of Emmanuel {God With Us}. 

You are still there. You are the One who draws me closer to Your heart even when everything within me screams to run and take my own way. 

You are still good. You continue to perform miracles before my eyes every single day. Your timing is perfect even when it makes no sense to my earthly snapshot of the here & the now. 

I will choose to praise You, even when I can't see one step beyond where I am right now. 

I do love You. Like Job, the man who was stripped of absolutely everything and everyone he held dear, I want to say, "For He bruises, but He binds up: He wounds, but His hands make whole." [Job 5:18]

It is worth it. For You are Worthy...

PRAYER of DETACHMENT

St. John of the Cross (1542-1591) 

Deliver me, O Jesus... 

...from the desire of being loved 

...from the desire of being extolled 

...from the desire of being praised 

...from the desire of being preferred 

...from the desire of being consulted 

...from the desire of being approved 

...from the desire of being popular 

Deliver me, O Jesus... 

...from the fear of being humiliated 

...from the fear of being despised 

...from the fear of suffering rebuke 

...from the fear of being forgotten 

...from the fear of being wronged 

...from the fear of being ridiculed 

...from the fear that others may be loved more than I 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire... 

...that others may be esteemed more than I 

...that in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease 

...that others may be chosen and I set aside 

...that others may be praised and I unnoticed 

...that others may become holier than I provided that I may become as holy as I should.

Snapshots of Life [May - June 2013]

Statistics don't lie. Interestingly enough, the stats of my blog show that the post with the most pictures had nearly three times as many views as the other posts that were merely writing. Popular opinion rules in this case, so rather than tell you about my life, this time I thought you might prefer if I show you instead.

Ah, Monday Nights. 

They are our girls' night out once a week to talk, to share, to laugh, to cry, to drink coffee, and to pray with each other. What a gift those Monday nights have been with you, Melanie! 

Of course, those Monday nights usually involve coffee in some form & flavor.  :) 

Street scene from downtown Chiang Mai with Tuk-Tuk's parked in the foreground.

2nd Term was the "Month of the Foot Problems." 

One of the guys severely split open his toe while playing ping pong. Another one of the students developed a stubborn skin infection on both of his feet. Then there were various hives of the feet, swelling of the feet, & foot pains from going barefoot on concrete floors all the time. I was quite in my element getting to bandage, sanitize, medicate, and diagnose, but I was just sorry it was at the students' expense. :) 

Treating the split toe. I spared you the close up shot of the injury. 

Then there was THE KIDNAPPING. 

I thought I was going out for supper with one of the girls. They had all ganged up on me and had completely different plans for the evening. I was promptly blindfolded as soon as I came down the steps, led to the waiting songthaew (taxi), and hurried off to an unknown destination. 

Surprise! We had arrived at the beautiful Waterfall Restaurant for dinner

All the lovely ladies who joined us for the evening

Me & "My Girls''  ~ I think they are just pretty splendid. 

We had a few empty pots & planters around here that I wanted to use to add some color to the exterior of the school which is mostly concrete. Barb Yoder, the administrator's wife, and I went to a nursery one afternoon and filled the truck with lovely flowers. It was so much fun to get my hands in the dirt again. 

Now it's the challenge of keeping the plants alive.  :)

 

Three of my friends who had been students with me in 2010 returned to Thailand to visit and do some traveling. It was really special to have them over here and we even had a mini 2010 Reunion with them and those of us staff who had been here all together. 

Coffee shop with Yony who traveled all the way from London to visit.
Love how we can pick up right where we left off! :) 

Those of us 2010'ers on this side of the world. Good memories with these people!

And then, there are the daily routines and moments that my days consist of. Just in case you wanted a glimpse of some of my surroundings... 

Khau pad guy - One of my many favorite Thai dishes of
fried rice with chicken served with a tomato broth and a spritz of fresh lime. 

I have to keep five bathrooms and the girls' dorm stocked with paper supplies.
Believe me, we go through a lot around here! 

The cafeteria/dining area

The downstairs lounge where studying, reading, guitar-playing, games, and conversation take place.
Sometimes all at once. 

The Study Hall. Or where studying is SUPPOSED to take place. :) 

Classroom. The students spend between 4-5 hr/day in class.
(yep, that was me too not that long ago. :))

Every morning we have a chapel service, and on Fridays, a group of students are in charge. They have done a great job of planning those chapel services with a variety of activities. Sometimes, that includes skits to
act out Bible verses. 

Chapel Service 

Three women with a scales, a mirror, a black sweater, a silk scarf, and plenty of exaggerated expressions. I believe we got our verse of "do not compare yourselves among yourselves" across quite well. :) 

And sometimes, skits bring out unknown talents among us. Even in our administrator.  :)

Saturday night cook-outs at the Pastor's home.
We love the Barkman's. And we love Mr. Barkman's grilling. :) 

One day I found all these sticky notes from the girls on my door.
They certainly know how to make me laugh & cry all at once. 

And then, I find these random jokes hanging in the shower behind my towel.
Did I ever say I love a good sense of humor?? :)


After three weeks of classes and exams, the students leave for a 10 day ministry trip. That is my time to recoup, to refresh, to sleep, to catch up on never-ending projects, and to plan for the coming term.
It is also the perfect time to spend with friends who have a spare room in their house with A/C. [grin]

Practicing my culinary skills with Jana, Second-in-Command of the Kitchen.
(For the record, First-in-Command would be her mother. Not me) 

Lunch with Mae Wan, our faithful laundry lady and Thai Grandma

A 4th of July celebration for Val's 60th Birthday (with the gift of a hand-drawn picture of his children).
I feel so blessed to work under the leadership of this man of God. 

After the Month of the Foot Problems, we had a bout of Dengue Fever that took it's toll on one of the students and two of the staff. All three of them had to be hospitalized for several days due to very low platelet counts. The fever is spread by infected mosquitoes who are striped black-and-white and are most commonly active during the day, unlike most other evening-biting mosquitoes. 

We praise God for the healing He brought to those three and that so far, the rest of us have been spared. 

Visiting one of the students, Sandra, in the hospital.

Life continues to be a journey of the mundane and the extraordinary.
Yet in it all, He keeps giving me purpose, teaching my skittish heart to trust Him, and multiplying my meager offering of loaves and fishes in ways that make me stand in awe of how chooses us to do His work here on earth. 

May we all be in such a condition of soul, such an attitude of heart as will fit us for any little work in which our gracious Lord may be pleased to use us — not seeking a place for ourselves, but lovingly serving all. The Lord, in His great mercy, grant that thus it may be, with all His beloved people!" 

~C.H. Mackintosh

The Pied Piper of Prostitution

The slogan has haunted me since nearly three years ago, I first saw the alcohol advertisement plastered all over the streets of Chiang Mai, Thailand. 

"Give 100% to Live 100%"

Tonight, I went prayer walking once more past the bars of familiar streets. Ladies lined the sidewalks in front of windowless, three-story buildings, neon signs and pulsing music beckoning to the night crowd. Primping themselves and powdering their faces, 

their eyes were heavy with dark mascara. 

It's just another night on the job. 

The black spiked heels, the rich red mini skirts, the sheer, lacy tops. This is the life isn't it? Men, a sensation of power, money, pleasure, iPhones, beautiful clothes ~ what more could a woman want? Yet the emptiness in their eyes is a cynical testament to the reality of where "Giving 100%" has lured them to...

I notice the Girl in the Corner, sitting on a bar stool apart from the others. She is 19, she tells me. She has been in Chiang Mai for a year already, separated from her family. She smiles sweetly, accepts the invitation to English Class that I offer, and politely carries on a conversation with me until we exhaust her English and my feeble Thai. We part ways, and I wonder, "What brought her here? What is her story? How did she first buy into the lie that to literally give everything she is will reward her 

with the life she always dreamed of?" 

It's the Pied Piper of Prostitution, and its luring sound is to the tune of cash. Scripture tells us that "the love of money is the root of all evil." [I Timothy 6:10].  After an evening on the streets, I cannot deny the truth or the power of  that statement. The sex trade has many faces - that of the runaway teenager looking for love, the pimp, the club owner, the child whose innocence was stolen, the customer seeking for a thrill and fleshly pleasure, the girl working "the Track" in your own city, the father who sells his daughter for a flatscreen TV,  the drug addict desperate to buy the next shoot up of cocaine, and the young hill tribe woman who is obligated to make the most money possible to send home to her poor family. 

The stronghold of the love of money holds millions captive. 

Actually, make that billions. 

It is a lie that the Enemy has used to manipulate both victim and perpetrator. It is a lie that drives these ladies to work the bars of Asian cities, even as they tell you that they hate the things they have to do. In reality, the shame is overwhelming and the price tag attached is enormous. "Why don't they leave, why do they do this to themselves?" we wonder as we shake our heads in disbelief or point a judging finger. No, for many of them, there may not be physical chains holding them here, forcing them to do what they don't want to do; but they are bound by the lie that money is the answer and 

they have no better choice. 

You have to do whatever it takes to make the most that you can. 

So tonight they do it all over again. Give what they don't want to give - what they shouldn't have to give -  in order to keep up with the Pied Piper's tune. 

I want to run after her. To tell her that it's all wrong, that the catchy slogan

 is not what it seems to be. 

But what of us? What lies have we blindly followed, what precious things have we sacrificed to the god of money, what voice have we chosen to heed over that of our Savior's ~ and what makes us think that 

in return, we will "Live 100%"?

On Being Dean ~ Lesson 101

What I've been learning in my first three weeks as ladies' dean.... 

{at least the edited & condensed version adapted from a lengthy journal entry}

~ I am in a classroom. Not a literal one as the students are, but a classroom nonetheless of Life Lessons. It also includes taking tests on a daily basis. 

~ I cannot do anything on my own. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. It must be all God. 

~God delights in showcasing His strength through my weakness. 

~ It takes time to build trust and relationships. Don't rush them. 

~ Daily quiet time is essential to the task.

~ Audrey Assad's "Restless" has become my theme song and is stuck on repeat in my playlist more often than not. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0B2ybZpDeM]

~ An atrocious amount of hair will collect on the floor of the girls' dorm in a 24 hour period. 

~ Sometimes, chocolate IS the answer. 

~ Making good food can be helpful in building friendships. Maybe there really is a scientific explanation to that heart-stomach connection. 

~ Being dean can be exhausting mentally, physically, emotionally, & spiritually. 

~ Old habits (like being a night owl) did not automatically change when I became a dean.

~ Being able to laugh at myself goes a long way in practicing a good sense of humor. [even when I ask someone what the battery life of the vacuum is, just after I had unplugged it's cord. TRUE STORY].   :)

~ Put down my computer or stop whatever I am busy doing when one of the girls asks a question or wants to talk. 

~ "People" are more important than my daily "To Do" list. 

~ The internet can quickly become a thief of my time. Browse wisely. 

~ Try to be present at all mealtimes. That's where the good discussions happen. 

~ There can never be too many fans blowing at once during hot season. 

~ Quickly learn to recognize speed bumps. Otherwise, it is painful for both me and my bike. 

~ Don't be afraid of trying new things, even if I'm worried I'll look like a fool. [like trying to play futsal, the Asian version of soccer]. 

~ Girls universally will discuss guys & relationships. Trust me, I am one. 

~ Be real with my own flaws & weaknesses, but also willing to share the good things that God has done/is doing in my life. 

~ Mercy must be balanced with Truth, and Grace is sometimes gritty. 

~ I realize how selfish I really can be. 

~ Be prepared to be asked a lot of questions. Many of them, I may not have an answer for. 

~ There is a lot of joy and fulfillment to be found in serving. Even sweeping three stories of tiled floors. 

~ A grateful spirit is contagious. Be quick to express my thankfulness to others. 

~ That weekly girls' night-out with a friend on Monday evenings is soul-refreshing. 

~ Even brief email replies are better than none at all when my inbox is screaming for attention. 

~ Riding my own motorbike is a great outlet for independence and adventure. 

~ Thailand's iced coffees have become a regular part of my diet. 

~ I wouldn't get anywhere without the prayers of others. Don't take them for granted. 

~ Laugh often. Love much. 

~ Snail mail is greatly appreciated. 

~ I will mess up, believe lies about myself, and find myself falling into people-pleaser mode. Just don't stay  there, but return to the Truth. 

~ Be able to accept God's grace for myself so that I can freely extend grace to others. 

... and that, my friends, are the lessons of only the first three weeks... I still have seven month's worth ahead of me.  :) 

These Days...

Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel overcome by joy? Where you are vividly aware of the life, the beauty, the blessing, the gift of the moment? It happened to me the other day. 

I was just taking a walk around our mooban (neighborhood), enjoying the cool freshness of the morning air. I was thinking and praying as I walked, my thoughts slightly distracted as they tend to be. But suddenly, something made me just slow down and notice my surroundings: the heady fragrance of plumeria permeating the breeze; dozens of green mangoes hanging from bending branches, the tropical birds that chirped and whistled all around me, the soft swish, swish of the street sweeper's broom, the distant rumble of a motorbike, elderly Asian ladies doing their morning exercise routine, nodding politely as we passed. My very skin felt the cool dampness of the air, and when I took a deep breath, it was as if all my senses came alive. 

I was awestruck. 

It wasn't just the physical beauty I was surrounded by that enraptured me. Out of the six to seven billion people in this world, who am I to be so blessed to be in this beautiful country, to have the opportunity to see more of God's great world and to drink in the experience of living within another culture? Or the realization that I have the privilege of getting to know six lovely, young ladies who have a heart after God and a desire to pursue His plan for their lives, whether at home or overseas? Oh yeah, and the thrill of driving my motorbike down the road and feeling the wind in my face? :) Yet even all this pales when I remember how much my Abba loves me and His gift of eternal life and desire to have an intimate relationship with me, just a frail human  being on this speck of cosmic dust we call planet Earth. 

Maybe even awestruck isn't enough to describe moments like this. 

No, I am not living in some utopia community out of touch with reality since I have returned to Thailand. :) I am human and the people I live and work with are just as human as me. Daily life here has challenges and difficulties just as it does in my hometown of Myerstown, PA. Yet since being here, God has given me so much peace in resting in the truth that this is where He has called me, at least for this season of my life. 

I am learning, in His Presence, there is truly fullness of JOY... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So these pics are a glimpse into my life {These Days}...

Lanna Resort -- where we had staff retreat the week after I got here

Early morning beauty walking from my cabin

And then there was a talent night that revealed another side of people.  :) 

...and family sing-a-longs

And what is a staff retreat without a volleyball tournament? 

... and outdoor pizza parties

There we are folks -- IGo Staff 2013

...and the lovely ladies who fill the place of sisters away from home... 

...And holidays like Songkrahn which is a nationally-declared water fight, & no one is exempt!

Then came the fun of arranging and settling into the "Dean Room" :) 

A reflection of the dandelion decal I put up on my one wall [we'll see  how long it actually sticks :(]

...and the photo board I inherited compliments of Heidi Musser, which was exactly what I was wanting for this wall! :)

This was my chalkboard wall D.I.Y project in the study hall --  I would like to do a different country every term...

... and then there are lazy Sunday afternoon picnics on the mountain with the "single" staff. LOL  

...Except for Jana, who has "Finn" the ukelele to keep her company and together they strum us a little tune... 

...Breakfasts with these beautiful people at the Hideaway Cafe

...and scouring the flower market where several dozen roses cost around $6

One Saturday, I helped with an English Day camp at a local Thai church. 

...And then there was the final afternoon of solitude before the students started coming

...April 25th, 2013: Ready or not, here they come!  :) 

First Day of semester, early morning ice breakers. Gotta love all those awkward first moments. :( Thankfully, they don't last long. 

The student body of IGO First Semester 2013 -- six young ladies, three guys, and two married couples. They are the reason that I am here & it is my privilege to serve a group such as this. 

...So I have started taking Thai lessons. Five tones to remember. On top of that, try saying words with the "ng" sound at the beginning of the word. [I told you it's not easy.] 

My view from my bedroom window -- how many times has this sight of those mountains refreshed my spirit??

These days, I spend a lot of time sweeping tile floors. It's a good thing dirty floors have always been a pet peeve of mine. That helps with the motivation of keeping three stories of floors clean. LOL

...and Jonas (pronounced "CHO-nas" with a dutchified accent) and I are official! LOL   I love my bike.
And Heidi, he is treating me well.  :) 

...These days, there are always those moment that call for a strong iced coffee from this cool little
VW bus-turned-coffee-shop. Reason #78 why I love Thailand. :)