{The Exchange of Grace}

You are the one that we praise
You are the one we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for

This past week, Melanie, Yvonne, and I have been taking a basic counselor training course with the Compasio western staff. It has been an enlightening week as we have probed deeper into how to be a reflective listener, how to offer warmth, empathy, and respect to those who are hurting, and how to better relate to children from backgrounds of neglect & abuse. 

But it was yesterday, the very last session of the training, that had the greatest impact on me personally. Our teacher spoke on God's love and grace and those "boulders" in our lives that prevent us from fully embracing and openly accepting that unconditional love and grace. I don't believe it was any coincidence that my devotional reading that morning was also on accepting by faith the reality that Christ loves me without reserve and without limits. 

Oh, I know intellectually that He loves me. But so often, my behavior of performance, of running from Him when I feel guilt, of trying to deserve this love betrays what my heart truly believes. For the first time, I saw my shame that I have been acting out for years. This shame is so subtle that it disguises itself in people-pleasing actions and perfectionist attitudes. Fear of failure? Uh, yeah, that would be me. Trying to achieve love and acceptance from others?  Exhausting. 

This morning God gave me these verses from Isaiah 53 & 54: "He is despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief... He was despised and we esteemed Him not... Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows... The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes, we are healed..."

"Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth..." 

My shame comes face-to-face with His Grace. That grace that compelled Him to carry to the cross not only my sin but also my shame. That cross, an instrument of death, also becomes a symbol of freedom and release. He is big enough, tender enough, strong enough, and good enough to carry my burden of shame. Not only can He take those burdens, but He longs to deliver me from that shame and to release me from those demands of perfection that I have placed upon myself. 

Trembling, I slowly open my hands to Him. Then He shows me His. Those Hands that are nail-scarred because of the price He has paid to set me free. 

I feel like my eyes have been opened to a new dimension of what Jesus has done for me. Yet I know that re-learning to live out of His grace rather than shame will be a long process. I long to learn to freely receive that I might freely give... His healing and His grace is not meant for me to keep to myself ~  but He calls me to live a life of grace that can be poured out on the world around me. 

{Breaking the Alabaster Jar}

I have always loved the Biblical account of Mary Magdalene washing Jesus' feet. To me, her act of adoration in breaking the alabaster jar of precious ointment at Jesus' feet is more than just a nice story. It is said that in those days of Jewish culture, a young woman received an alabaster box of costly perfume to save for the one that she would become betrothed to. When a young man offered her a proposal, she would break the alabaster jar at his feet as a sign of her acceptance, her willingness to give him all of herself. 

This was her offering. This was the most precious gift that she could give. Yet in order for the gift to be given, the translucent alabaster jar had to be broken. Only in the shattering of the vial could the perfume be poured out and the sweet fragrance arise to her beloved. There was no in between, no half-hearted brokenness, or no way of compromising just a few drops. This offering required all or nothing.  

In humility, Mary broke her alabaster jar at the feet of Jesus. Her Savior. The One who had redeemed her when society labeled her as an outcast, when she had lived a life controlled by darkness, when she had no other hope. But she loved Him for He had first loved her. Breaking that costly jar at His feet was the least that she could do to show Him her devotion. 

What was the response of those who observed her act of sacrifice and love? Ridicule. They looked at that shattered jar and the puddle of perfume on the floor, and they just saw a waste. But Jesus sees and feels something else. Jesus sees and feels an act of love, a symbol of a life poured out for Him. To Jesus, this was a beautiful waste. 

His words spoke healing to her wounded heart as He lovingly accepted her precious offering. 

Once, Jesus had told his followers, “Those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it.” What about me? Do I count my life as my own? Am I clutching it to myself, unwilling to break this alabaster jar, afraid of what it might cost? 

"Perhaps a few drops of perfume will do. Maybe I can just crack the box a little without losing it all," I try to reason. 

"We hold so tightly to that tiny box. The contents are costly. To break that box at His feet may mean giving up the deepest desires of our heart.

Marriage. 

Children. 

The ideal career. 

Our happy, secure world. 

If we break the box others might call it a waste. They may ridicule the sacrifice. 

If we break the box we might be called to a life of singleness. Or to dark jungles somewhere. 

We fear the pain and sacrifice involved. We’re afraid to pour it all out for the One who poured Himself out for us. So we cling to the box that keeps us from clinging to the Savior. And in all of our clinging we forget that He is worthy.Break the alabaster box." - Grace Dye (ylcf.org)