The Why of the What

A dozen days ago, I boarded the eight-seater Piper plane as the lone passenger with two pilots. That flight was only the first stretch of the long journey from the rolling, barren hills of Lancaster, PA, to touchdown on the runway rimmed by the hazy blue-green mountains of Chiang Mai, Thailand. 

Once we got past the bumpy take-off, the view from the very, very small plane was actually quite scenic.

 From here to there and back again. It is an odd feeling to have your heart suspended between two different worlds, to be at home in both, and yet to still have that unquenchable yearning for eternal Eden…

Last December 20^th, I think my homecoming at JFK airport was so jubilant that even security may have been getting suspicious of all the commotion. Thankfully, we were not apprehended ~ and my time at home was rich, hectic, hard, and refreshing.

During the next three months, I savored each minute with my two year old nephew who now imitates every word he hears and who fascinates me with his energetic way of living life with all the wonder of a child. Once more I donned my scrubs and dusted off my stethoscope and loved every minute of diving back into work at Cornerstone Family Health nestled in small-town Lititz. 

My family and I shared laughter and tears that knitted our hearts together in even deeper ways, and I marveled again at how they put up with my idiosyncrasies, odd habits, and sarcastic sense of humor. I shopped out of my sister’s closet, disagreed with her sense of direction (which is just as bad as mine), and taught her to make Thai-style iced coffee while we finished each other’s sentences. 

 

Snowflakes made me as giddy as a little kid, and I thought the fluffy white stuff was beautiful even if the calendar said it should be spring. Once again, I ate real cheese and swirled half-and-half in my morning coffee.  I reconnected with friends over steaming latte’s in quaint café’s and watched children who were being burped and swaddled only eight months ago now toddle down the aisle at church. 

I struggled to make time for my devotions and at times felt burdened by the weight of discouragement and troubling circumstances. Some days, I felt mixed up inside, wondering where I truly belong and wishing I knew what the future held.  But woven throughout the difficult and the delightful was the loving support of so many people and the faithful leading and provision of my Abba. Every day was a gift...

So that is the long nut-shell version of the what. It is the “Why are you going back? “question that I’ve been asked numerous times since leaving Thailand last Christmas. I don’t blame you for asking. It is unnatural to leave your job, your family, your community, and your tidy little bubble within a familiar culture that is a woven into your very fiber and that shaped from birth your initial point of reference for how the rest of the world goes around. 

For some reason, the Lord has chosen to give me a tip-of-the-iceberg glimpse of how many people of the rest of the world actually live, often without having ever heard of Jesus Christ. This is not because I am someone special or that I deserve the opportunity more than another; but I believe that He has granted these glimpses to me as a sacred responsibility. What will I do with all that I have been given, both physically and spiritually? 

Out of that responsibility, God has opened up a door of new opportunity. This time, I returned to Thailand to serve as staff at IGo, the very same training institute where I spent a total of twelve months as a student and then as an intern over the course of 2 ½ years.  A year ago, I would have laughed and said, “Absolutely not!” if you had told me that I would be coming back to Thailand and taking on the position as dean of women. At times when I think about the incredible responsibility of this task, I still find it both amusing and terrifying that God would call me to something so different from what I had expected or have ever done. 

Of two things I am assured: He has a benevolent sense of humor and a way of knocking out all props from under us so that we can do nothing else except run to Him. 

So that is the why behind the what, folks. 

The students I will be serving are girls just like myself, making a big leap into the scary unknown of living in a foreign culture and desiring to learn more about knowing our God and making Him known in all the earth.  If in some small way I can play a role of supporting them in this journey to discovering more of God and His heart for all people, it will only be because of His power in my weakness and an outflow of what Jesus has done for me.

Dei Gratia

{By the grace of God}