Monday, September 30, 2013

Less of Me...

My biggest enemy is myself. 
The most daunting battles are the ones where it is my flesh pitted against my spirit. 

Right now, I want to climb down off the altar, run away from the sacrifice, and demand an answer to all my "why's?" 

You parted the Red Sea for the children of Israel, You raised to life the dead son of the widow woman, and You fed 5,000 people with mere loaves & fishes. You are able. You came through for them... What about me? What about others who I know are hurting and confused? 

So I agonize and I weep and I don't feel like the strong warrior woman that so many think that I am... 

But-- there is that still, small Voice. The One who invites me to wrestle with Your Goodness, the Voice that whispers when I want signs & wonders from heaven, the Voice that woos me to trust in the very character of Emmanuel {God With Us}. 

You are still there. You are the One who draws me closer to Your heart even when everything within me screams to run and take my own way. 

You are still good. You continue to perform miracles before my eyes every single day. Your timing is perfect even when it makes no sense to my earthly snapshot of the here & the now. 

I will choose to praise You, even when I can't see one step beyond where I am right now. 

I do love You. Like Job, the man who was stripped of absolutely everything and everyone he held dear, I want to say, "For He bruises, but He binds up: He wounds, but His hands make whole." [Job 5:18]


It is worth it. For You are Worthy...



PRAYER of DETACHMENT
St. John of the Cross (1542-1591) 

Deliver me, O Jesus... 
...from the desire of being loved 
...from the desire of being extolled 
...from the desire of being praised 
...from the desire of being preferred 
...from the desire of being consulted 
...from the desire of being approved 
...from the desire of being popular 

Deliver me, O Jesus... 
...from the fear of being humiliated 
...from the fear of being despised 
...from the fear of suffering rebuke 
...from the fear of being forgotten 
...from the fear of being wronged 
...from the fear of being ridiculed 
...from the fear that others may be loved more than I 

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire... 

...that others may be esteemed more than I 
...that in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease 
...that others may be chosen and I set aside 
...that others may be praised and I unnoticed 
...that others may become holier than I provided that I may become as holy as I should.

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