My Girls...

They are brave & beautiful young women, they are.

My official job title may be that of “Dean of Women”, but what this really means is that somehow, I was the one privileged to live among these girls this past year.

They call it dorm life. Ten bunk beds lining the perimeter of one U-shaped room with mirrors for only half the number of its occupants and four showers to share among us. Personal space is nearly non-existent, for getting just a smidgen of time alone means crawling out into one of the concrete window wells or trying to find seclusion in the bathroom of the library to Skype home.  We share wardrobes, headbands, and pretzels from the States, and learn to live with the early birds and the night owls.

I think they are brave.

They chose to leave their homes in America and Canada and fly half-way around the world to spend four to eight months in a foreign country most of them had never been to before, living with people they did not know, and committed to studying and ministering in ways that they knew would stretch them physically, spiritually, and emotionally. This was not some reality TV show they were paid to produce. Actually, they paid to come here and to push themselves outside of their comfort zones with no guarantee of success or earthly reward.

They came from varied church and family backgrounds, some fresh out of high school, some with more travel-dust on their sandals from previous treks to not-so-touristy spots in the world. Some had dreamed and planned of coming for years, others made short-notice decisions to take this flying leap into the unknown.

They came, zealous, passionate, scared, idealistic, burdened, searching, and thirsty. Passionate about life and zealous for Christ but asking the questions of “who am I and what is God’s will for my life?”

They were thirsty for more. For more than the American dream, for more than the pursuit of career for the sake of money, for more than chasing guys and squandering their opportunities and time.  They did not want to settle for the status-quo or for a mediocre, shallow commitment to their walk with God. For them, that thirst for more of God meant leaving behind what was familiar and comfortable and predictable…

So they came. 

And we lived together. 

[Quite close together, actually.]

And in the daily moments of The Living, I watched them. Sometimes, I felt a bit protective of my girls, wanting to shield them from pain, from too much breaking, from disappointment and unmet expectations. [I've wondered, is this a fraction of what a mother feels as she watches her children grow, knowing that they need the hard things in life to make them strong, but wishing it didn't have to be a painful process?]

I watched them come out of their shells and shatter random “first impressions” from that night when they walked through the customs of Chiang Mai Airport, bewildered and travel-weary. From that night forward, it has been a journey. For all sixteen of them and for me.

I watched them learn to navigate the motor-bike congested streets of this city by using public songthaews, and cheered with them when they first hailed a songthaew to Big C “all by themselves” for the price of a 10 Baht coin. I showed them how to use the semi-automatic washer in our bathroom which seems like a luxury after washing all your clothes by hand during a 10 day ministry trip. I introduced them to khau pad guy and pad thai dishes in the local food shops and tried to convince them that they will get used to the spicy food…eventually.

First Semester Ladies

I listened to their stories of hiking through the mountains of Nepal, teaching English to university students older than they are, holding the mother-less children of Cambodia, washing the feet of the their Indian sisters, sleeping on rice mats on concrete floors, staying in hostels with dozens of rowdy school-aged kids, prayer walking in the red-light districts of China & Pattaya, and reaching out to the Thai girl who runs the cash register at our local 7-11. I’m proud of my girls. In a good, godly, humble sort of way. For I see them as young women who are learning to give beyond what they think is their limit and in the giving and the stretching, God is faithful to show Himself strong and to use their hands and their lips and their feet to be His own.

I think they are beautiful.

I saw when they unashamedly shed tears and confessed apathy after seeing the film of their persecuted brothers & sisters in Indonesia. It was my face that had tears streaking down my cheeks when I heard their testimonies in church or in dorm meeting, or by the answers to specific prayers, or in conversations that took place while sitting on the tile floor of my room. My tears were tears of undeserved yet overwhelming joy…

…for those were times that I felt like I was treading on sacred ground. To get a glimpse into their souls, to hear their hearts, and to see the struggle, the wrestling, and the pain that God was taking them through as He purged and restored and then rekindled. Sometimes, I stand back in awe at what God is doing in the lives of these young women and I am invigorated by the potential that they possess. For it is in the surrender that strength and vision and endurance arise.

They are beautiful young women. They are beautiful in outward appearance of curly-haired and straight, blonde, brunette, and raven tresses, freckled, fair, and tan, short and tall, and eyes of hazel, blue or green. We have every personality among us you can imagine and then some spice and spunk and wit and humor that make me laugh and shake my head in amazement. Their taste in colors and styles vary widely but I love their creativity as individuals.

2nd Semester Ladies

They are beautiful in talents of photography, writing poetry, painting, playing penny whistles and pianos, culinary skills, athletics, harmonizing with harmonicas, singing, and gifts of mercy, exhortation, teaching and organization. Sometimes I wonder, what aren’t they good at? J

Yet in all of these outward expressions of beauty, I see that they desire, as women, to possess beauty with purpose. Not beauty for their own benefit or for merely the admiration of others, but a self-less beauty that is a reflection of who they are in Christ and a beauty of brokenness that rises forth from being poured out upon the altar for others. The kind of beauty that is courageous and willing to do hard things for the sake of the One who created them, ransomed them and empowers them. He is the One who is receiving glory through their lives, and that is indeed beautiful to behold.

Sometimes, I marvel at who am I to get to walk alongside these girls, to invest in their lives, and to find that in the end, I am the one receiving a hundred-fold more than anything I have ever given?

To be sure, no one ever said that this year would be easy. It hasn't been. We have had struggles, sicknesses, spiritual attacks, personality differences, and the stresses and stretching that come from living so closely together for months at a time. We have seen each other at our best and at our worst, at those times when we are just plain exhausted and peopled-out. Yet something that is worth having is worth fighting for… and I believe with all my heart that these past eight months is something precious that has indeed been worth fighting for.

Next year, another woman will take up the title of “Dean of Women” and occupy the little gray bedroom attached to girls’ dorm. It is a bittersweet feeling to pass on this position and to know that this year was my first and final chapter in that role. And yet, I am only a steward of this position, for it is not my own or one that I can lay any claim to. One thing I am assured of – God gave me the gift of knowing these girls who in reality taught, and challenged, and encouraged me in ways that they don’t even realize. That is a gift that I am humbled by and eternally grateful for.

As we near the end of the final semester and departure dates rapidly approach, my desire is that we can all finish well. And to each of my girls, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives. For loving me and putting up with my flaws and quirky habits, for all the times of shared laughter and serious talks, and for encouragement through notes & words. 

My prayer for you is that you continue to follow God with all your hearts, knowing that your life is not your own, and our Father who is Faithful & Good will complete the work He has begun within you.  

You are brave and beautiful women, that you are…