What If...

It's been three years since I was here long enough to experience the full glory of Springtime. It is splendid indeed, from every blade of greening grass to the quickening sense of aliveness carried in the morning air, to my favorite sign of spring --  the delicate lacy blooms of the weeping cherry trees.

It's been a long winter. In a sense that goes beyond just the season of record snowfalls and blustery winds and frigid temperatures. 

It's felt like a long winter of the soul, too. 

                     ... of dryness, of questions, of silence, of frustration, of loneliness. 

                                          ... a winter of why's with not many answers. 

But Spring is here. 

                 There are still vestiges of The Winter remaining, like the final traces of snow melting on the north side of the house. But the ground is soft and warming and the crocuses and the hyacinths push bravely through the snow that once drifted high and heavy over the space that they now claim as their own.

And I sense a re-birth of Hope within that Spring has come at last... 

This past week was one year. One year since I embarked on what I would call some of the more challenging yet also some the most rewarding months of my life. At least that's what I wrote in my journal. But then I started thinking about Reward... and I asked myself if perhaps, one year from now, I could look back on this year, this moment, and pen the same line: "it was one of the most rewarding seasons of my life." 

{Journal Entry} 

April 22, 2014

"Right now, that feels impossible...

Yet how do I measure 'reward' compared to how Christ does? Reward, to me, tends to feel like some sort of personal satisfaction or spiritual fulfillment. 

What if, from the Perspective of Eternity, Reward is unseen and unfelt here on earth? Not that we never have glimpses of it, but what if the greatest harvest of Reward in Eternity will be those seasons of dryness here on earth, when I felt like the seeds I was planting were pitifully small and scarce and the soil dry and wasted?

What if someday, when I stand before the King, He welcomes me with delight and in the retelling of my earthly story, He reveals to me a greater glory to Himself through my weakness, my struggle, and my tears?

What if these days that feel like blinded trust and blighted vision are in reality, an investment in the Kingdom of Heaven that someday will be understood? 

What if the Father hears my fragmented prayers, some whispered, some wept, and some silently coursing through my unspoken thoughts, and His Spirit acts on behalf of each one, moving in my heart and the hearts of men and women behind the scenes?

What if, Reward has nothing to do with my measure of success, but is the Eternal Revelation of the impact of a life who was faithful in the least and endured to the end?"